Mild-mannered Rutgers student Johnny Taurus spends his days chasing women, making friends, going to class, playing football DIV 1 football, and basically ruling Rutgers College. But when the Lavender Scourge of homosexuality rears its ugly head, he dons the uniform of Heterosexuality, picks up his near-indestructible shield, and sets out to protect the values of straight people everywhere. This dark skinned, African American, all-muscle fighting machine is the Perfect Heterosexual Man, my friend CAPTAIN HETERO!
It was a Saturday night like any other. I had just won tonight’s game against Syracuse for us, again, and was going to the Melody Bar to celebrate. Sure I’m not old enough to get in, but…I’m me. I scanned the crowd… which lucky girl would receive the ultimate honor of getting to suck me off tonight. Oh why be selfish, I’m kinda horny, which four girls will get the honor of servicing me tonight? I think I’m in the mood for ice cream tonight. I’ll get Chocolate, French Vanilla, a Butta-Pecan Rican…yes, and an Asian girl for variety. Hm…what flavor are Asian girls? I guess I’ll find out tonight. Ten minutes later Johnny had a Black girl, an Asian girl, and a Puerto Rican girl all flirting heavily with him. "Yes, nothing better after a good football game than some porn…especially when I’m the star. Now all I need is a white girl to complete my collection." Johnny spotted a perfect white girl with big tits, a little waist, and she even had an ass…not enough for him, but his black and Spanish girls had more than enough ass to compensate. But there was something in his way…a Frat boy. "Excuse me friend", I said, "This one’s coming with me…in all senses of the word. I’m sure you can find another girl." But he refused to acquiesce. "Back off bro, this bitch’s mine. I saw her first." I didn’t take this well at all. Sure, women where to be used primarily for sexual pleasure, but there was no reason to be disrespectful towards them. I saw that the girl was giving me that "Fuck me now you big black beast you" look I see so much. "I’m only gonna say this one more time." I glared down at the poor drunken little white boy. "Back off or get your shit kicked." But still the silly Frat boy persisted. "Tell you what", I said, "you meet me outside in five minutes, and bring all of your little sissy brothers with you. Winner gets the girl."
Yes, football, porno and a street fight. The night just kept getting better. Little did the poor mentally deficient Frat boys know that in five minutes they were to battle with their idol Captain Hetero. And lose. Badly. Eight Frat boys and one 6’ 4" Hetero Hero squared off outside. I didn’t have my shield and costume with me, but my boundless love of violence was still there. So, I went at it. Many overconfident Frat boys fell that night to the might of Cap Het. "Good fight boys, though you didn’t really have a chance. Actually, it wasn’t even really a good fight either. It was really disappointing on all counts. C’mon girls, I hope you put on a better show than yer pals back there. Oh and nobody here is camera shy, right?"
The decimated Frat boys lay scattered across French street. Ethan Ridge, the start of all this mess, slowly got to his feet. "Fucking bastard…I’ll make him pay. This is the second time this week one of those super-freaks has beat me up. First that bitch Iron Dyke, now this." A shadowy figure approached Ethan as he got to his feet. This was not surprising as lots of shgadowny figures skuled about the streets of New Brunswick at this time of night. The difference was this shadowy figure happened to be a 5-star general. "Son, I think you might need my help. The name’s General Mann. And from now on, I’m gonna be your best friend."
I drove the girls back to my dorm room in Easton Ave apartments in my new Rutgers-paid for Mustang GT. As I drove past the College Ave. student center, I stopped and looked at the road. "Rock on Dykes! Love, I.D." was burned into the street. "Something’s going to have to be done about that woman", Johnny thought, "and soon. And I’m just the Man to do it."
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