“I love the smell of Hello Kitty in the morning.” The B bus drops me off in front of the Busch student center…a seedier dive has never scarred the face of Mother Earth. Pharmacy and Chem majors strapped for cash play at being drug dealers, peddling badly made crystal meth and crack in the darker corners of the food court. Cheap Korean whores decked out in the latest designer jeans and little plastic Japanese crap sell their bodies to stressed out virginal engineers. Pathetic Bio majors, dirty and ragged from spending endless nights studying scurry about, hoping to score their next fix of amphetamine-laced Monster to keep them going till their next exam. President Lawrence’s words floated back into mind “You can buy anything there…Love, Loyalty…Heaven, Hell, and everything in between.” I was there as myself, Johnny Taurus, so as not to attract as much attention as I would As Het…course, Johnny Taurus is a celebrity too, but for different reasons. I was to meet my guide there, a Chinese guy named Ping, who would lead me to the building where Prof. Zellwigger was holed up. I was supposed to meet him in the graduate study room, but I didn’t know where it was. So I went up to the information desk and asked the calm looking Vietnamese guy at the desk where the room was.
“WHO YOU! WHAT YOU WANT!”
“Um…excuse me?”
“LOOK YOU STUPID BLACK MAN! YOU NO STAND HERE WITH YOUR WIDE NOSE AND BIG LIPS HANGING OPEN! YOU WASTE MY TIME! NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!”
“Oh…” Johnny struggled to not kill this man. “Well, in that case I just wanted to know where the Graduate Study Room is.”
“IT DOWN THERE.” He stabbed a finger down the hallway behind him on the left. “YOU GO NOW! YOU HERE 5 MINUTES, YOU GO NOW!”
“Thank you.” I looked at his nameplate…Chi Lin Chou…I made a point to remember to kick his ass when the mission was over
***
Melissa is busy taking a time out from living, breathing life to take a field-trip through one of her past lives. Right now she is inhabiting the body of one Lord Valoran.
“Lord Valoran, your troops have the pagans on the run!”
The tall ,blonde, handsome, muscular etc. Lord Herbert Valoran of Normandy looked out triumphantly over the blood-stained wasteland that had hours before been a beautiful countryside in the center of Romania. Lord Valoran’s armor was liberally decorated in the viscera of his foes, he himself only suffering small cuts and scrapes from various slings and arrows.
“Truly, the Lord’s work has been done today. Only He could have given me the strength I needed to brutally slay and violently take the lives of so many heathens. He and my wondrous weapon Lunar Sword that I created with mine own hands.” As he said this he raised his pale-blue sword to the sky to let sun glint off of it’s strange metal and drying blood. It was obviously not the creation of the average blacksmith. “Is that not the Lord’s truth Aedria?”
A devastatingly beautiful Greek woman strode up next to him,. wiping fresh blood from her sword. “Yes my love, you were wonderful today. But we must prepare, we have much to do tomorrow…and tonight.” She kissed him lightly so as not to give the men suspicion; the same men who knew damn good and well that Lord Valoran was nailing the former slave on a nightly basis. A common joke amongst Lord Valoran’s army was that Aedria’s official position was Squire, but her most often assumed position was face down, arse up. “We decimated the forces sent against us today, but we still need to kill more people if we are to truly help the Byzantine army. I mean, your…hehehe, ‘sword’ tastes my sweet love every night, but if my blade and shield do not taste more blood tomorrow, then you will experience a drought you will not much like at all.”
“Point taken my love, I’ll be sure to maneuver their men towards our waiting swords. But now, it is time for you to fulfill your position.”
***
I looked to my right and saw an arcade…more than the usual games were being played. I watched as two men passed a revolver back and forth across a table, after putting it to their heads and pulling the trigger. I moved on. I found the Study room on the left. I stepped into a moodily lit, smoke filled room straight out of an interior decorator's worst dreams. Fat, greasy Grad students were getting blow jobs from undergrad sorority whores imported from College Ave. Ping was serving drinks, when he could tear his eyes off of the various white girls paying lip service to the Grad students. They played poker for money and weed. One of the bodyguards, a slimy looking Korean in an Italian suit, stopped me at the door. “You want something here, man?”
“Yeah, I came for Ping over there.”
“Hm…OK, take him. He’s your problem now. He’s about to get himself killed anyway. Horny bastard can’t keep his hands off the Grad student’s ho’s.”
The bodyguard wasn’t kidding. Ping was one horny bastard. “Hey, you good rooking guy, You think you get me some pussy yeah? I make it worth your while yeah? OK?”
I took him back to the Undergrad Reading room. I’m a full two feet taller than him, so of course, I got all of the attention. I went up to one of the prettier ones, but before I could begin negotiations she said “UH-UH. Me no take soul brotha…too boku, it hurt, me small girl. No way Jose.”
“True as this is, your protestation is misguided sweet thing.” Johnny was full into pimp mode now. “I just wanted to know if you could provide my friend here with a date. He’s awful lonely.” I brought Ping forward, and the ho looked him over.
“Hm…OK, I take him for thirty dorra.
“Thirty?!? Honey I could get him a ho on College Ave for $5. Now seeing as how you’re such a pretty young thing, I’d say you were worth three times that much.” What woman can resist the full charm of Captain Hetero? “Fifteen huh? OK”, she finally said, “I take him for $15, but only cuz you such a nice guy.”
“Much obliged baby, much obliged. Go ahead Ping my man, have at her…I even think she takes Knight Express.” Ping was ecstatic.
“Thank you, thank you Johnny. I neva forget this I mean it! You my numba one OK guy!” Nothing made Johnny happier than getting another man some pussy. He was about to go pound some manners into that uppity info desk guy when a sweet voice from behind him changed his mind. “Ummm…excuse me…but you no too boku for me.” Johnny turned around and saw a phat-assed, big-tittied, slim-waisted, Filipino girl shyly giving him a “fuck me now” look (which isn’t as hard to do as it sounds). Johnny was instantly hard. “Well baby, you see, I don’t usually have to pay for it.”
“Oh, thas OK…this week I have a special…free samples for big cock.” Johnny was extra hard now. He picked her up and the four of them went into their “office” the woman's bathroom. Johnny knew full and well that he was delaying the completion of the mission, but he was adhering to his personal rule of “Pleasure before business, Always.”
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